Skittles
by reminiscent-afterthought
Summary: When the confident glamour girl of the class suddenly finds her image ripped from her, she can only clutch or lash out at the threads closest to her. But without clarity to guide her way, the cascade of events changes others' as well as herself forever.
1. 001-005

**A/N:** Written for the 30_heartbeats challenge on lj, using prompt table 2. This one isn't posted on lj because the community's looking pretty dead, and I've already got a few on my account in the same situation. So just enjoy it on here. :)

And excuse any spelling errors; I wrote this on scrap paper so small I could barely read it. And that does *sarcastic* wonders for my typing.

* * *

**_Skittles_**

* * *

**001. Intermission**

Shimizu Chiaki was popular, but few people really liked her and therefore it was an unexpected but welcome break for class 1-D when she was suddenly absent one Monday morning. Orimoto Izumi was the most ecstatic; it was a well known fact that the pair were at ends since the beginning of elementary school. Even during their first year of senior high, their rivalry had not simmered down to tolerable levels and usually innocent bystanders – normally a handful of other students from their class – wound up paying the price.

Then there was Chiaki's little following: students, mostly boys, but there were a few girls who looked up to her…but all of them from a distance. And then there were the select few students which didn't give her, or many people in most cases, the time of day.

Kimura Kouichi was one such person; he was kind and friendly enough, if rather shy, but he was like that with everybody and he had no relationship with any one classmate that really stood out. Some of the boys claimed it to be unnatural, but most girls dismissed that as petty jealousy. After all, despite his timidness he was a high achiever and consistently ranked at the top in every test. He was never arrogant about it though; in fact, it seemed to only prompt him to study more.

Kagami Teruo was one of those who felt it unnatural. Part of him admittedly _was_ jealous – even if it was as plain as day the other worked hard for his marks. He was a high achiever himself, and it was increasingly maddening to place second at his very best. The childish half of him wished some misfortune would befall the other and break the studious behaviour so he could have a more playable chance at the top. The more mature part of him rebuked that, partially because it was wrong from a moral viewpoint. He prided himself on being perceptive though, and therefore the refrain was deeper. He saw there something forced in that behaviour, and he wondered why.

But on that Monday morning, he, like the others in class 1-D, wondered as to Chiaki's absence. Because that actress wasn't one to grant an intermission…or rather, miss basking in the attention she always received.

Izumi was the only one who was however downright glad of the absence. For her, it was one less headache she had to nurse through the day and one less argument to refrain from.

* * *

**002. Breathe Again**

Chiaki looked at her reflection in the mirror, then quickly turned her head. The ugly bruise still marred her image, and the pale skin and dark circles under her eyes only worsened it.

She had always been pale, but this pallor was different. There was no shine in it, no youthful glow. It was like she had aged years in an afternoon and bleached of all colour in the hour she had spent in the hospital.

Her long hair covered the abrasion to her head and the bandage had been removed, but if one looked closely enough they would be able to see the small lump.

There were other wounds too, but they were beneath her clothes. Some beneath her skin. But they were – would – heal slowly.

She was still alive after all, and her mother said that repeatedly as she wrapped her into an embrace, obscuring the mirror's vain reflection. She was alive, and still breathing. Hurt, but still able to recover.

'My sweet little baby…'

Except she wasn't so innocent anymore.

* * *

**003. Memory**

Nobody present remembered the room ever being more silent than when Chiaki entered one late Thursday morning.

The math teacher who had turned at the sound of the opening door with a reprimand on her lips, simply stood with mouth slightly open and chalk uselessly dangling from limp fingers.

The students, with mixed feelings, were openly staring. There were a few exceptions of course; Izumi, after recognising the entrant, had defiantly turned her attention elsewhere. A couple of boys appeared torn at that reaction, eyes flicking between the two girls always in rivalry with each other. And Kouichi hadn't raised his head. Until the teacher began explaining the lesson – and she hadn't before the interruption – he was working on review questions on a different text, exploring the topic they would be tested on later that week.

There was also Teruo, who after the initial shock was scrutinising the apparent disinterest.

But all was silent until the teacher spoke, and when she did, even those whose attentions had wavered returned to look at the pale girl standing in the doorway.

* * *

**004. Silence**

For perhaps the first time since second grade, Chiaki wished that somebody – _any_body – else was in the spotlight. That everybody would look anywhere else except her face, her body –

She swallowed, attempting to ignore the tremor that crawled through her body and fighting the instinct to flee. Her body trembled under the weight of combined gases. She regretted coming back. She shouldn't have –

But at the same time, she couldn't just stay at home. Her mother was kind and gentle and her father firmly reassuring, but shadows lurked around every corner of the silent and still rooms. At school at least, there was never a moment away from the light, never a moment alone.

However, with everybody's gazes upon her, that pressure pushing her, she half wondered if she really had chosen the lesser of two evils.

But then she, as requested, took her seat near the back of the classroom and the class mostly fell back into its natural rhythm. Slowly, attention was sucked away from her and she began to mechanically copy the explanation on the board, trying to lose herself in the jumble of numbers and wishing, this time, that she had afforded a little more effort into her academics so she wasn't literally lost in them.

* * *

**005. Questioning**

Lunch break gave way to the interrogation. Questions came at her from left and right and Chiaki found herself the victim of another first that day. But she couldn't speed up time, so she simply threw away the lunch that had become sand in her mouth and escaped to the library where, hopefully, she could hide behind the magazines until classes resumed.

And there she stayed, tears welling up in her eyes as she stared at the flawless faces and confident expressions, unaware of the fire she had fed behind her.


	2. 006-010

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay in posting. My internet died and was just fixed today.

* * *

_**Skittles**_

* * *

**006. No time**

The library had become a new refuge. Magazines did nothing for her and so she turned away from them. The next day she had stared blankly at the fiction section, which she only ever visited when she needed to complete a book report before she unintentionally heard someone complaining about the upcoming math test and pulled out a text from the non-fiction section to hopefully assist her.

Her soul was notably relieved by the distraction; the lesson made as much sense as it had the day it had been taught and so she found herself anxious and studying hard. Unfortunately, such habits did not bear fruit overnight, but she had been focusing so entirely on it she didn't note the company until addressed.

'Do you need some help with that?'

She looked up and blinked. Kouichi's face swarmed into view, but he wasn't looking at her. Rather, his eyes were skimming the explanation she had been trying to understand.

There was a soft snort thereafter: a female one. Izumi.

Chiaki was undeniably relieved. They were perhaps the two people in class 1-D who wouldn't ask questions she didn't want to answer.

'I –' Her voice wavered, and she wondered for a moment if it was someone else talking instead of her. The pitch was lower, and the superficial confidence was undeniably absent. 'I'd like that,' she managed finally, turning her gaze back to her book. 'I need a miracle though; the test is next period.'

'You may be surprised,' Kouichi said, taking a seat. 'People tend to forget what's right in front of them when they're stressed.'

* * *

**007. Trouble lurking**

Kouichi patiently explained the lesson, but Chiaki struggled to pay attention. What had started out as a simple math test had evolved into the Holy Grail; she didn't quite understand why, but it almost felt like "do or die". Or "sink or swim" perhaps.

And she was sinking. Fast.

Now that she was aware of company, she found herself constantly looking around, eyes flitting past huddled forms and shadowy corners. Few were even looking her way, however the sensation of a thousand eyes descended the moment she averted her own gaze.

They looked at her. Judged her. Wanted –

'Shimizu-chan?'

She lifted her eyes. Shaky brown met a concerned blue. Blue, like the deep ocean, hiding something dangerous. An outwardly warm appearance, shielding an interior cold where the sun could not penetrate past.

She jerked back and screamed. The echo of pain and terror swelling up within her. A loud shrill scream that turned everyone's gaze towards her.

* * *

**008. Foreign**

Fear, the scape of control – they were all foreign to her but of a few days ago. Before that, she had been admired from a distance but untouchable, however _that_ night had shaken it all to the very core.

She had been lucky, the policeman had said. His disinterest was obvious. Tokyo's crime rates were some of the highest in the world and someone would rape a girl in a corner of a street and most people would walk right past.

The thing was though, you always thought you were safe until it happened to you…or almost happened to you.

The light concussion had seemed like a relief at first, but the shadow memories now did more harm than good. The clawing sensation when someone got too close, the flaring bruises when she was jolted by crowds, and the eyes staring at her: some plainly leering but another pair blue and made of ice.

But as her thudding heart calmed, she realised they weren't the same blue. Or at least, she didn't think they could be. It might have been her brain was playing tricks on her – or hear heart – because she recalled a glint, a steely edge, that wasn't there, but a second of staring at those eyes had sent her soul quaking to her shoes and her mind the same in fear. Stronger than the prickling eyes that followed her everywhere.

But it couldn't be. Or else she didn't want to believe _that_ was so close to her still. So easily another chance, another possibility –

Sitting atop the toilet seat and safely locked in the stall, she jumped violently as the outer door opened with a forced creak.

* * *

**009. Midday**

Everything suddenly seemed unnaturally bright. Fear was catching, and Chiaki's reaction was so sudden yet profound that it brought the attention of every occupant in the library upon them –

Except Chiaki was gone with a parting shriek he could barely grasp, and everybody else was whispering and staring at _him_. Some blaming, condescending, as if he had done something…except he couldn't imagine what, and he wasn't missing a small chunk of his memories – except that he could have been, because everything had been so sudden.

But the way she had looked at him, and the way everyone was looking at him now, and somebody was reaching for him –

He jerked back. What were they going to do? Drag him somewhere? Hit him? Or –

Her shuttered something and bolted through an opening.

Behind him, the whispers turned into shouts, echoing along a dark corridor.

* * *

**010. Valium**

Izumi bemusedly wondered if the Doctor had filled out the wrong prescription for her and given her a hallucinogenic instead of a contraceptive to help stabilise her monthly (or what was supposed to be her monthly) cycle. She'd known Chiaki since elementary school and never would the girl scream and embarrass herself like that in front of a crowd for no reason. If somebody threw paint all over her (namely Izumi), then that would be a different story, but Kouichi had done absolutely nothing except offer to help her study.

What was even weirder was that Kouichi pulled away from her as if she was coming at him with a mallet. Or a heavy book, like she sometimes did with her boyfriend. However, Takuya had a thick skull, and the frustrated whacks would normally hit his shoulder or bag anyway.

And while Izumi knew they weren't like best friends or anything – there was a wall both of them had erected and neither attempted to break down – she knew the other well enough to know such uncomposed behaviour was rather odd from him. Not as long as Chiaki; she'd met him in junior high school but never really got to know him better than school. They did often wind up paired together though, as Izumi found herself unable to work with most partners but Kouichi was the sort of person who could get along with anybody…except Teruo for some reason. But that led to them studying together occasionally as well, particularly since Izumi's own friends were at different senior high schools (except Tomoki who was in junior high still).

Actually, now that she thought about it, Teruo was the one person who could always make the other's composure slip, and she spent a precious minute scanning all the faces looking for him before finding he was nowhere to be found. Another oddity, as he normally spent his breaks in the library.

She couldn't though help but feel a little hurt that Kouichi had left her like that. She saw a bunch of dominos tumbling without cause, starting with the Prima Donna known as Chiaki – and she could understand the staring, and the need for whispers, but…

Then she caught some of the whispers, and hissed angrily before raising her voice to shut the other up. A moment later – before the librarian saw it fit to throw her out – she stormed away herself, intending to get to the bottom of the little mess her arch rival had caused and wondering what new angle she was going for, dressing the part of the weak victim.


	3. 011-015

**A/N:** Chiaki and Izumi are rivals and they're always arguing with each other, but in their own way they're close enough to use first names with each other when they're talking seriously.

It is said in volumes 3 and 6 of Tokyo Babylon (the CLAMP manga) that Japan is a country that is not kind to people who are psychologically impaired (volume 3, after the phone incident) or physically impaired (volume 6 with the blind man and his guide dog). I guess it's not to be unexpected; these people do get teased far worse, but in places like Australia the government assists them so well that in some cases ordinary people feel they wind up getting disadvantaged (when it comes raising their marks so they can get into a better uni for example; that debate was quite popular in my year). Same thing applies for rape and assault cases, as victims wind up falling temporarily into the first. So people are less likely to broadcast such problems, even if they can't stop their reactions from betraying them.

* * *

_**Skittles**_

* * *

**011. Standing Still**

Chiaki stood on reflex and backed into the cold wall when a second loud bang wracked the stall door. It wasn't until she heard Izumi's rather annoyed turn that she relaxed…slightly. Of course, the fact that they never got along didn't help, but at least she wasn't –

She jumped at her surname however; it was rather unexpected, but to her mercy it wasn't followed by more poundings.

'Whatever game you're playing now,' the blonde continued. 'You'd better quit it, because you're causing quite a stir and it's going to backfire on other people as well as you.'

The blame was evident in the tone, and Chiaki didn't know whether to latch on to it because _there was someone who didn't look at her with curiosity or pity_, or cover her ears because she didn't want to hear it.

Eventually, the latter burst out of her lips of her own accord, and she heard the blonde gasp in surprise outside the door.

Silence followed; nobody else came in, or went out. It was just the two of them, and faint sounds trickling in from the outside.

'Shimizu –' A pause, then reconsideration. 'Chiaki-chan.'

A sniff. 'You hardly ever call me by my first name.'

'Same goes for you,' Izumi retorted, before taking a deep breath. 'You're not playing a game…are you?'

'I –' Oh, how easy it would have been to just say "yes" and pretend that she was playing a victim's role.

There was the sound of shuffling on the other side of the door.

'What?' was the low and level reply.

'I –' Chiaki began again. At some point, she had sunk back onto the seat. The door helped; it was a barrier, so she couldn't see the other's face, couldn't feel the green eyes boring into her, judging her… 'I'm not strong like you! I'm not, I'm not…' The words tumbled over themselves like a mantra.

* * *

**012. Deep in Thought**

Izumi couldn't deny she was surprised by the other's outburst. In all the years they had spend antagonising each other, all the years she had labelled her stubbornness and sometimes harsh attitude as a reason for not being as popular as the other, Chiaki had never acknowledged it as strength. But now it sounded as though the other's confidence in herself had crumbled, somehow, into nothing.

'You know,' she said quietly, pulling herself into reality from her thoughts before they sucked her in any deeper. 'I might never have been as popular as you, but I learnt a long time ago that having a few good friends was far better than being in the spotlight.'

'I wish I wasn't!' the other cried, quite literally as Izumi could hear sobs through the door. 'I can't stand it!' Her voice shook. 'It's like everybody's staring at me – and – and –' A pause. 'I was _proud_, but –'

'No you weren't,' Izumi unexpectedly interrupted. 'I'm proud. You're – were – vain. And I might have driven away a lot of people, but the friends I have are the best in the world and no-one I know will take advantage of me.'

There was a sniff. 'I don't,' Chiaki finally said, almost silently. 'I don't have friends like that. No-body knows me, under my face, and I don't want that anymore.'

'I think I qualify as knowing you,' the blonde pointed out, still leaning against the door. 'And that's why you're talking to me now.' She pushed herself off the support. 'Why don't you let me in?'

'Why?' the other choked out.

'You need someone,' Izumi said plainly. 'And right now, I'm the best you can hope for.' A pause. 'I'm also still kind of mad at you for that stunt you pulled.'

Something twisted in Chiaki's gut as she remembered the shocked and hurt expression she had left behind.

* * *

**013. Keeping a Secret**

There wasn't a single place in the school that was completely silent, and Kouichi dearly wished there was. Even on the roof, normally devoid of students (as it was technically out of bounds), the wind carried voices of blame and accusation – and other things he couldn't, nor did he want to, make out.

Blocking his ears did no good. They still whispered. And he wasn't in elementary school wherein he could flee into his mother's skirts and she could make everything right again. He was old enough to know the wind could not speak, old enough to know shadows did not reach out to people to push or pull them elsewhere, old enough to know people didn't suddenly become monsters…but that last one hadn't happened for years. And people's faces _could_ suddenly change like that; a mask had been responsible, but he could remember his own terror amidst the laughter of his peers. But a mask made it more harmless.

The whispers on the other hand followed him everywhere, but he had managed to block them out by burying himself into more mundane things. Schoolwork: particularly mathematics, as that was the one subject where imagination had no role and the netting of numbers and patterns meant there was nothing he mistook. Even his music, whether a wild clash of syllables or a soft-tuned harmony carrying him to the raging sea or a quiet beach, could not completely drown out the wind.

But he couldn't always do that, and he had to make an extra effort to be able to lose himself so completely in anything else. The problem though was when something happened to shake his concentration; the numbers would swirl around in his mind and lose all meaning, opening the gates for illusions to seep through muddled senses.

Worse was when he couldn't be sure whether the whispers were true or false, illusions or reality. Especially the whispers continued during a test that should have been completed in silence, and he saw neither Izumi nor Chiaki in the class.

What he did know was that he had probably done very badly on that test. He knew the material, but he found himself unable to concentrate or pull the comfortable rhythm from his mind. But still, he struggled with the clasps of his own mask, securing it down as tightly as he could. Because the mask protected him from a world that would not be kind to the truth.

* * *

**014. Two Roads**

'You probably think I'm weak, being a mess like this and I wasn't even ra – raped.'

Izumi was quiet for a moment, turning the admission over in her head. Now that they weren't down each other's throats, they were getting along surprisingly well, and it seemed people were starting to think that she, Izumi, had managed to seal a lasting victory against the glamour girl and the shock had taken a week or so to recover from.

It was obvious Chiaki was relieved at that, and Izumi saw no reason to not go along with it.

'I've seen people in worse messes,' the blonde said finally. 'And you're still going to and from school on your own, aren't you?'

Chiaki couldn't come up with a counter-argument to that.

'That's just how things are,' Izumi continued. 'We're humans; what happens to us shapes the person we turn out to be. You can try and hide from certain things; hide a part of yourself away from everyone so it can never be touched or push people away to protect yourself, but in the end people get past those barriers and break them, and you have to decide what's really important to you.' Her voice softened. 'I suppose, in that sense, I got pretty lucky. Sure, Takuya and I fight a lot, and it was pretty weird hanging around with Junpei knowing he had a crush on me, and the way Kouji looked at me the first time I whacked Takuya with my sketchbook…'

'Your friends?' Chiaki asked, absentmindedly fiddling with the now nonexistent lump on her head.

'Uh…yeah.' Izumi laughed awkwardly. 'Sorry, I was getting totally carried away. Actually, we became friends because 'kuya was an idiot and said something stupid when we first met and I would up hitting him…and cue Kouji who didn't know whether to hit Takuya or stop me in case I beat him to a pulp.' She shrugged as if it were all perfectly ordinary group dynamics. 'He's that kind of person; he might come out as stand-offish – and his eyes don't help, they're crystal blue – but he won't hesitate to defend someone who's in trouble of any sort. Like this Saturday, although how he managed to get lost 'round here somewhere considering the number of times they've been over my place…'

'Saturday?' Chiaki asked, voice shaking again. 'And blue eyes?'

Izumi put the pieces together quite quickly. 'You're not saying…' She thumped her head on her knee, seeing as the grassy ground was too far away as well as not a good idea, considering a ball could come flying at her at any moment.

'Then that means –' She suddenly stood. 'I have to – ' She suddenly winced in pain.

'Sit back down,' Izumi ordered. 'And am I finally going to find out why you freaked out in the library last week?'

'So he – wasn't him – ' Was all the blonde managed to get out of the brunette as a headache crawled in. It was only later, once comfortable in the infirmary and some aspirin, that Izumi understood that the concussion had left the other's memories muddled and while she had remembered blue eyes, she had been barely able to distinguish them from another blue…and as to which side they stood on, not at all.

And Izumi thought. The boys had definitely been amateurs, for one person of similar age (despite trained in martial arts) to be able to scare them off. That was something she had always tried to avoid at the cost of companionship's warmth, but Chiaki had done the opposite and she had wound up losing – or throwing away – both.

* * *

**015. Interval**

'I wish people would stop staring,' Chiaki said hoarsely, the wind snatching at her throat as the pair stood on the roof, away from prying eyes. 'It still creeps me out.'

'They'll stop,' Izumi said reasonably. 'If you don't draw attention to yourself, something else will come along soon enough.'

And she was right, although she hadn't known how right at that time.

'Izumi…' Chiaki said suddenly, before realising her mistake and quickly adding the suffix.

'My friends just call me Izumi,' Izumi said, before the other could progress further. 'And I'd say we're friends now.' A pause, and when the brunette said nothing, she continued. 'We might have been friends before, if we ever sat down and talked instead of being jealous of each other.'

Chiaki gave a short, barking laugh. 'I'm still jealous of you.'

'So am I,' the blonde admitted, much to the other's surprise.

'Of what?'

'Well…' A finger came up to twist a golden lock of hair. 'You're the one who broke the wall between us, really…and when I met Takuya and everyone, it was them, not me.' A pause. A stirring breath barely heard over the high wind. 'I can't break down walls; I'm too stubborn or…something. I can't do that.'

'I think…' Izumi looked up; the new, more nervous, Chiaki would take some getting used to. '…it takes two people to break down those walls, and…and it takes somebody else to tell you your good points.'

Izumi smiled softly, before taking the uncomfortableness as an invitation to tease. 'Hah, so you admit you were vain.'

'Oh, shut up,' the other grumbled, but the bite that was normally coating those words was gone. 'It's nice.'

'Huh?'

'You know…not fighting.' Chiaki brought a finger up to prod the almost faded bruise. 'Pointless fighting anyway; we didn't get a whole lot out of it.'

That was debatable, but Izumi knew what Chiaki meant.

'I want to stop hiding,' she said suddenly. 'I want to be stronger. I want to find something really important to me. Something I won't let go of, no matter what.'

'Like math?' the blonde teased.

The other gave an irritated glare.

'It'll be hard,' Izumi pointed out, more seriously as she stood and offered a hand. 'But nothing worth doing is simple.'

Chiaki smiled and accepted the hand.

'And you know, that smile of yours looks much prettier now that it's got something behind it.'


	4. 016-020

**A/N:** My brain was pretty dead by the time I got here; let's just say it's the first time I've ever had to work overtime. And I mean work work.

Also, I have to admit that I'm not too thrilled with the emotive force of this, but I didn't want it reaching M rating so I had to tone stuff down. So in my opinion some of the subtlety comes out quite weak, perhaps more so considering I'm doing a drabble set instead of a multichap and therefore cutting out a heap of development, but it's still got its merits and quite frankly I don't have the time to write all my ideas in the proper multichap format and the raw material for this isn't too long.

Anywho, enjoy.

* * *

_**Skittles**_

* * *

**016. Choices**

'What in the world are you doing?' Izumi asked, finding Chiaki attempting to beat a punching bag on Wednesday afternoon as opposed to the baton twirling she was supposed to be doing with the cheerleading squad.

The other huffed, blowing sweaty bangs from her face. 'Trying…to…beat…this…stupid…thing.' Each pant was punctured by a punch or kick.

Izumi grabbed the last one, observing the pink and raw knuckles. 'I don't think you're doing it right,' she noted. 'You're supposed to hit with the flat portion of your fist.' She demonstrated, feeling the solid impact and the bag moving. 'But what in the world has gotten into you?'

'People won't stop staring.' A half-sob forced its way out, and with that the pains she had caused her body made themselves known. 'And still, those letters in my locker and guys stopping me at corners hoping for a date – ' She cut herself off before the other could. 'I know I fed it all, but I just want it to _stop_!' She would have punched the bag again if it were anywhere in reach.

'Well, crushing your fingers and toes aren't going to accomplish anything,' Izumi said reasonably. 'You know what, you should meet my friends. Granted, they're all guys, but I think the new you will like them. Besides, Kouji's the best at martial arts; he could show you a few things, or recommend you somewhere.'

'You want me…to meet your friends?' Suddenly, Chiaki felt vulnerable.

'Sure.' Izumi shrugged. 'Why not? And aren't you my friend too now?'

And that was it.

'You know,' the blonde said, standing up again to ask for some ice from the nurse. 'Speaking of boys, why were you blushing when Kimura-kun offered to help you with your math?'

'I wasn't blushing,' Chiaki exclaimed, proceeding to do exactly that.

Izumi couldn't help but laugh. 'Of all the people to have a crush on…' She shook her head. 'Looks like your heart beat your head.'

'What in the world are you talking about?!'

'Well,' the blonde pointed out. 'He is about the one guy who wasn't dithering all over you at some point or other, so if he ever does like you, you can be sure it's for the real you and not the "you" you show to everyone. So your heart decided before your head that having someone who knew the real you was more important than holding onto the popularity a projected image of you brought.'

Chiaki could see the sense in that.

'I still haven't apologised to him,' she admitted. 'I tried, a couple of times, but he's always busy with something. I don't think he even heard me.'

'When you say "heard", did you actually say anything?'

'Well, no…'

* * *

**017. Breaking the Rules**

Chiaki had broken (whether intentionally or otherwise) several rules over the past couple of weeks and therefore it was not unexpected that the punishment wound up catching up with her. She was somewhat surprised to find Izumi sharing half of them, before remembering that the other had skipped the math test on her behalf as well as taken her up to the roof (where they had been caught on the return trip). Her last detention, out on the track because she had skived off a cheerleading practice, unfortunately had no Izumi but rather two seniors apparently caught out fighting in their gym class.

And they started their scuffle again, so she wound up with no choice but to run ahead of them and suffer the looks as they started their own laps. Her heart thudded all along the track, but her newly festered strength was enough to stop her looking back every second and to trust her body instead of letting it collapse and be shoved around like a doll.

And she walked proudly off that track, having overcome another milestone in the life of the new Shimizu Chiaki.

* * *

**018. I Can't**

The whispers had diverted from a certain incident and to more mundane things for all ears except Kouichi's, because he could still hear the blame and accusations – and the repeated mantra that he _knew_, just knew, wasn't being said aloud.

All he could do though was put his head down and block it out. It was harder to do, harder to decide what was real and what was just in his head, but he didn't have any other choice but to do so or miss school and stay home.

'Kimura-kun!'

He almost jumped out of his seat at the sudden yell and fought the instinct to look up. While the voice sounded different, there was only one person it could be: his math teacher. He was sitting in math class after all, trying to focus on a new unit. It didn't help that one of the voices in his head found it amusing to point out he didn't really need to focus so hard, as he'd managed to still pass a test he had sat with only half a head.

He had studied hard before that though, so his subconscious mind was on top of the test even if his conscious mind was not. But he didn't work so hard in his studies to get good grades. Not really. It was just that learning was an unquenchable pool, something so large, diverse and applicable that he could not lose focus of it like one could with hobbies.

'Kimura-kun!'

He'd been so busy listening to that damn little voice that he had lost focus again. His head jerked up on reflex and he just managed to stifle a gasp at the sight. It was his Sensei, he told himself. Who else could be standing over his desk like that?

The other half of his mind didn't seem to want to listen to rationality, but luckily a shake of the head was all it required to bring the mat teacher into focus.

'If you've come back to earth,' she said, sounding rather annoyed. 'Please solve the question on the board.'

She held the chalk out and Kouichi took it, looking at the white powder that spread across his hand as he clenched it before scraping his chair back and walking to the board. Somehow, the trek felt extra long and his peripheral vision did little to help.

Somehow though, he reached the board and the question that awaited. For a moment, he stared at it blankly, but he realised soon that he knew the material and moved to begin working out an answer. But as he went back to the initial question he found the values changing, and the writing –

The chalk clattered to the ground, and he hesitated a moment, laughter and whispers rolling about, before bending to pick it up.

He never did, because he opened his palm to see blood on them, and the remaining reason, his hold on sanity, fled.

'I – I can't –'

_That_ smell was in his nostrils. Creeping things with leering eyes were reaching for him. His mind trembled, so his body did the only thing it could think of. Ran away from the source.

* * *

**019. Not Afraid**

Chiaki found she had pushed her chair and stood within the time it took for Kouichi to vanish from sight. Everybody was staring after him in shock, the teacher included, but it didn't take long for gazes to wonder.

'Shimizu-chan, please sit down.'

Everyone turned to stare at her. She gulped slightly, before fighting it down and opening her mouth. 'Sensei,' she began. 'I – I would like to go after him.' She somehow managed to say that relatively firmly.

She received a few odd looks in return, but thankfully the teacher waved her off before continuing with the lessons. Relieved, Chiaki left – _left_, not escaped – and searched around the corridors. Shadow trailed beneath her: her shadow, and no-one elses. Her heart still pounded, a little harder than it should, but she put it out of her mind and tried to find the other.

Izumi was right about those walls. Somebody had to break them down, and she might not have noted it, but Izumi and Kouichi had at least one more thing in common than they realised. Neither of them ever made the effort to break those walls.

And this was one person she, Chiaki, knew she wanted to know.

Only…she couldn't find him.

_If only I hadn't pulled back those other times…_

But there was always a next time, and maybe she would be feeling even more courageous then.

* * *

**020. In the Storm**

Kouichi had no idea how he got home, or how long he had been there, half slumped against the sink, before his mother found him.

He didn't turn to her when he heard the front door unlock; she was the only other person who had the key, but he didn't trust his head to remember that right then.

'I was worried, when the school called and told me you'd vanished.' At least it was her voice, although it was twisted slightly. Disappointed..? Burdened? Or did she feel he deserved this as well..?

It was hard not to flinch away as she touched him; her hands were always a little rough from work but they, like they sometimes did, felt even rougher. In most cases – ever since junior high school anyway – he could tolerate it, but his nerves were too frazzled to manage and he eventually huddled under the sink, shirking away.

Tomoko hid the hurt that darted across her chest, knelling down to try to coax the other into the living room…or at least his bedroom. It was times like that she never knew how to convince the other that she was not…a monster or a corpse or an angel or anything other than herself.

Part of her had expected something like this though; ever since that time in junior high school it was like she had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. She knew full well it wasn't fair to Kouichi – most of the time he was such a sweet and calm boy – but he held that same fear within him. That was why he buried himself so completely, but unlike the youth she knew it wouldn't last forever. Something was bound to sneak in through a crack, and then that mask would crumble from the inside, and…

There was no holding back that storm. All she could do was hope it would blow over without any serious damage to anything.


	5. 021-025

**A/N:** Schizophrenia is so broad that it's got its own subclasses in mental disorders as well as its own spectrum. Especially when diagnosis was bad (and it still is but it has improved), doctors would label anything that involves hallucinations or delusions of unknown origin as schizophrenia. So the actual definition is extremely vague and there's dozens of variations. My specialty is phobias though (from psychology in high school) so I pretty much used the basics and made things up as I went along.

And sorry for the late upload; internet problems again.

* * *

_**Skittles**_

* * *

**021. Can You..?**

Chiaki found herself rather jittery when Kouichi didn't show up in time for homeroom by the end or the day, or at all the next. Coincidentally, it was a Saturday and therefore she only had to sit through half a day, but it was enough time for Izumi to tease her.

'You're acting like a worried wife.'

'Shut up,' Chiaki shot back, a little anxiously before she bit her lip. 'I wonder what's up with him; that was…weird. Like…' _Like me last week._

Izumi said nothing; she was a little confused herself and she definitely agreed the other's behaviour was odd. On the bright side, it had taken the microscope away from Chiaki. On the down side, it had put it on someone else.

'Like there's something wrong with him,' a male voice said unexpectedly.

Both girls spun around to glare at Teruo.

'Why are you eavesdropping on our conversation?' Izumi demanded immediately. It was her nature, but Chiaki was relieved as it gave her time to cover the slip.

Teruo shrugged. 'You're out in the open,' he pointed out. 'But I'm serious. Something's off about him. He's hiding something; it's the reason he buries himself into schoolwork and studies so hard even though it's obvious he doesn't need to.'

'Maybe some people like trying hard,' Izumi suggested. 'It's quite rude to say something like that and everybody knows you're the one person he doesn't get along with.'

'I have my reasons,' the brunet said flatly. 'He's a rival; I'm sure you two can understand that.'

They could; they had been like that themselves, except this pair of rivals normally didn't create a scene.

'And it's not possible to study so obsessively for so long because they like to.' Teruo crossed his arms. 'You're forgetting I've known him since he's moved here – that during the first year of junior high school – and anyone studying for the sake of studying would have burnt out by now.'

'Like you know everything,' the blonde said sarcastically.

'The teachers said it first,' Teruo shrugged. 'And I must say I was pretty curious to know exactly what he was trying to bury.' His voice dropped. 'I figured if I knew that and drew it out into the open, I might have a more level chance at beating him…and getting to know him.'

Izumi, who had opened her mouth at the "beating" part, shut it again at the addition.

'I guess I was hoping it was just something stupid or something he could get over if he stopped trying to escape from it,' Teruo continued. Now the seeds of guilt were sprouting in his voice. 'Like…I dunno, his parents' divorce or something.'

'His parents are divorced?' Chiaki repeated, surprised. She hadn't known that, although it was obvious Izumi had from her lack of reaction. Teruo opened his mouth again, but she cut him off. 'It's his business to tell who he wants, not yours.'

'True.' He grinned suddenly. 'So the infamous Shimizu-chan finally found someone to chase after.'

Chiaki didn't know whether to be annoyed, insulted or relieved the other seemed to be treating her normally.

'I think I'll go visit him,' she said loudly.

'You don't know where he lives,' the other two said simultaneously, before looking at each other.

'Do you?' Izumi asked Teruo sceptically.

'We did work on that one project together.'

Izumi just shook her head and pulled Chiaki in the right direction. They'd only taken a few steps though before they noted Teruo following.

'Can you stop following us?'

'I'm not,' the other said in perfect seriousness. 'I'm going that way.' He pointed at a fork in the road, before waving a hand and setting that way himself. 'See you at Kouichi's apartment.'

Both girls were surprised to see him waiting when they arrived.

'Do you always take the long way?' the boy asked the blonde.

'Be glad I'm not spitting fire,' Izumi shot back.

'Personal experience,' the other said sagely. 'Don't know whether to call it luck or a miracle.'

* * *

**022. Written in Stone**

Tomoko had knocked on her son's bedroom door for a late lunch, as Kouichi was either leaning against the door or had blocked it with something and she found herself shut out. The knocking didn't yield a response either, and she waited a moment before deciding to try again a little later.

She didn't get the chance though as someone knocked on the front door.

'Who is it?' she called.

'It's Izumi, Kimura-san,' the girl who normally wound up partnering with her son responded. 'Along with Teruo and Chiaki.'

She didn't recognise the last name, but she let them all in, each still dressed in the senior high school uniform. She assumed that Chiaki too, Shimizu-chan as she introduced herself, was a classmate of Kouichi's as well, particularly as she was the first to ask about him.

'He's in his room,' Tomoko said. 'But –'

To her surprise, Teruo marched off to said room without letting her finish.

'Kagami-kun!' she exclaimed, hurrying after as the girls followed him. 'The –'

She didn't have a chance to say anything else as Teruo discovered the problem for himself, halfway through his rant. She'd managed to miss most of it, although she caught something about hiding, something she didn't know whether she should be angry at because they didn't realise how _hard_ it was…or agree with…

And then she would have to be angry at herself, because it wasn't something that they, or anyone, could have controlled. The doctors of the day still hadn't figured out what caused the psychiatric illness they slapped a general name upon or what triggered it; all they really knew was that it generally awoke some time in a person's teens and almost always before reaching nineteen years of age. They also didn't know how to treat it long-term, so all one could do was try and live with it.

And it had looked like it was going away too, but something opened the door and let the flood in.

'Kimura-san?' The three children were scrutinising her expression.

She took a deep breath and tried to door again. 'Kouichi?' she said loudly. 'Please, open the door. Your friends are here to visit you.' A pause, in which she heard a noise she couldn't quite make out.

She shook her head. 'I'm sorry. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come back another day.'

* * *

**023. Streaks of Red**

Tomoko finally managed to open the door around dinner time, although it was more her son throwing to door open and burying his head into her stomach. She hugged him loosely, threading her fingers through his tangled hair and trying to make sense of what hallucination had seized him this time and why it was so much worse than any other.

'They won't stop,' he babbled into her shirt. 'They said I did…want to punish me…but I didn't…and they're – they're…'

'What are they?' she asked gently, already feeling old and worn. She couldn't help but wonder if she'd made the right choice, staying in Japan. They were both Japanese, but her father was German and he had quite flatly ordered her to at least send her son to him if she refused to leave Japan herself. He hadn't been pleased when she had refused; she didn't want to let go of her son, but now in her powerless state, unable to chase his demons away like a mother should, she wondered if it were entirely selfish on her part, hoping problems would go away and thinking they would both be better off in their home country, even if that country would never be truly kind to her son, keeping him out even now unconsciously…

'Dead –' her son choked. 'God, they're dead b – but their _eyes_…and the _blood_ –'

Tomoko pulled away slightly to get a better look at the other's face; the blue eyes were bloodshot, framed even more completely by the dark bags she had somehow failed to notice – how had she not noticed them? – and the extra dilatation. The pale skin was probably another factor, but with the curtains closed and no lights turned on, the whites of their eyes were the most prominent things in the darkness.

She wondered if he was still seeing her, as he was still blabbing on about the monsters bleeding all over the blood and the streaks of blood running down his hands.

In the end, she seized the other's hands and displayed the unblemished palms. 'None of that is real,' she said firmly. 'See?'

He whimpered and pulled away from her.

'Nothing there,' she repeated, like she did when he was younger and they thought it was simply a hyper-imagination inducing nightmares on a tender soul. 'This is just a nightmare, but Mama's here to chase it all away.' And in a sense it was…just a nightmare…

'Mama,' the other faintly said, pulling away a little more and looking blindly at her. 'Mama doesn't like blood…'

'That's right.' Her voice was both tender and forced; she didn't say her son was more important than blood because that was not what he needed to hear. 'Mama doesn't like blood, but Mama's here and there's no blood here…'

His voice sounded far away. 'Help me, Mama. Make them go away.'

'Hush, just sleep. Mama will chase them all away.'

She only wished she could, but at least the words worked…for that moment.

* * *

**024. Incinerate**

_Fire_, Kouichi thought, opening his eyes all of a sudden to uncomfortable warmth. His first instinct was to get away, but then his sleepy brain registered that fire, if nothing else, would keep those…zombie like things far away.

Fire was hell. Dead people didn't like fire. It was cremation; it incinerated the corpse and all its earthy ties. And in the darkness, it was protection. A light, a wall and a weapon.

He closed his eyes again, burying himself further into the warmth.

* * *

**025. Things You Can't Fix**

Tomoko was half afraid to get out of bed, wondering what the new day would bring. When she did however she found Kouichi still sleeping. Not as peacefully as she would have liked, but there was little either of them could do about the nightmares. Drugging oneself consistency would simply cause more long term problems and make him more susceptible to waking hallucinations and delusions. And a good number of nightmares turned out to fall into the subcategory of night-terrors, so he hardly ever remembered them in the mornings.

He had looked so worn when she had put him to bed though that she didn't have the heart to wake him. By her reasoning, he would wake himself if he was hungry or had slept enough, so she left some soup for him and got ready for work.

He still weighed on her mind though, as he did whenever he was home sick and she was at work. Unlike many others in the workforce, she did not have the luxury of choosing her shifts and she could not afford the time off, so all she could do was push thoughts in and out of mind. By the time she got back to their small apartment, she was hoping the other had eaten his soup and had pushed the previous day out of mind. She had however completely forgotten she had told the three children to come over until she found them waiting in the corridor.

'Gomen nasai,' she said. 'I just got off work.'

All three looked surprised that she worked on a Sunday. But none of them asked what sort of work she did, and she didn't offer that information. Instead, she unlocked the door and let them in.

'Did you knock?' she asked.

They nodded. 'Isn't Kimura-kun still feeling well?' Chiaki asked.

'I had hoped he would be feeling better now,' Tomoko sighed, finding the bowl of soup still cold and untouched. She left it and opened the door to her son's room, finding him still asleep and completely hidden under the blankets.

'Oh,' the brunette said, sounding rather disappointed, before blinking as Tomoko went over to her son. 'Oh, don't wake him, Kimura-san!'

'He still needs to eat something,' she said, removing the covers down to the boy's shoulders. He immediately whimpered at the colder temperature and attempted to bury himself again, curling into an even tighter form. 'Kouichi, eat something and then go back to sleep.'

The other stirred lethargically, although he still seemed to be searching for the lost heat.

''m not hungry,' he mumbled finally without opening his eyes.

'You still need to eat something. You haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday and you threw up most of it.'

Kouichi mumbled something that none of them could make out, burrowing himself further into the blankets.

Tomoko put a hand to his forehead, wondering if he had a fever. Instead of a sheen of sweat though, her hand came back dry.

'You don't have a fever,' she said to herself, before moving the blankets. 'Kouichi, you have to eat something.' When he didn't reply or give any indication he had heard, she took his shoulder and shook him gently. 'Kouichi.'

His head lolled and his brow furrowed, a wince forming on his unconscious face as if he had a headache. However, the action seemed to wake him up and he blinked at the ceiling. He was still quite hot, and he couldn't remember why but he felt like that warmth was driving something away. He realised what when the room in its entirety came into focus and he saw only his mother and three of his classmates, and no-one (if those things deserved to be personified) else.

Then he realised, rather embarrassed, that his classmates actually were in the room. Either that or his mother wasn't there either. And he wound up sitting up too quickly as a result because a bullet of pain shot through his head and he hissed.

He noticed his classmates looked worried…which confirmed they weren't figments of his imagination. He wished they were though. He always tried not to stand out; other people couldn't be close to him, otherwise he would burden, or could hurt…

'Could – could you please leave?' He was slumped in his mother's hold, but was looking at his classmates.

'Sure.' It was, surprisingly, Teruo who answered, taking each girl by an elbow and stirring them away, apparently ignoring the furious whispers he got from one of them.

'Kouichi,' his mother said softly, before shaking her head. There was nothing she could say. Instead, she returned to the original issue. 'You need to eat something or you'll get sick. You also can't take anything for your headache on an empty stomach.'

'I'm not hungry,' the other said faintly, and without any real vigour. He still sounded exhausted. 'Just tired.'

'You still need to eat. You haven't had anything for over a day. Tell me you at least drank something.'

'I don't know; everything's muddled up.' Kouichi closed his eyes as his mother helped him up.

'And the…zombies?'

A faint smile crossed the other's face. 'The fire scared them away.'

_Fire…_ Something no mother would have ever purposefully given her child. Not in the sense the other seemed to mean.

Then Tomoko was supporting his full limp weight as, as soon as she got him standing, he slumped forward into her grip.


	6. 026-030

**A/N:** Last set of drabbles. I'm happy with how the ending turned out, and I was a little worried by the time I got up to 21 that I wasn't going to fit everything into the thirty drabbles, but I managed. :)

* * *

_**Skittles**_

* * *

**026. Change**

'Dehydration,' the doctor said, looking up from his clipboard and at the unconscious youth amidst white sheets. 'The heat from more blankets than necessary coupled to skipping meals and the vomiting from yesterday.' His tone had a slight reprimand to it as he eyed the worried mother.

'He wouldn't eat anything,' she said, partially in explanation and partially in her own defence.

'Why not?' The doctor's stare was piercing.

'He said it smelt like…' Her voice trailed off, before admitting quietly: 'rotting flesh.'

'Olfactory hallucinations.' The doctor jotted it down on his clipboard before flipping back a few pages to the file. 'I see. Are you sure it is a good idea he continues living with you?'

Tomoko looked once more at his son, before leaving both him and his three classmates in the room and leaving, gesturing the doctor to follow. He too looked at the students and the patient before following.

'Do you think I am unable to look after my own son?' she said, struggling to keep the venom from her voice.

'I'm saying Kimura-san that anyone afflicted with schizophrenia presents a certain level of risk to both themselves and those around them. You say these…delusions were quite profound yesterday?'

Reluctantly, Tomoko nodded.

'If said delusions presented a threat to him, he would either attempt to escape or fight back.' The Doctor opened the door to his office and offered a seat to the woman. 'It is the basic nature of humankind, and even a mother would sacrifice their child's life if it would save themselves.'

'You are not a mother, Sensei.' Tomoko said quietly, accepting the seat and perching on the edge of it. 'You cannot say.'

'Science says so, Kimura-san,' the Doctor responded, crossing her arms. 'Of course, there are also examples of mothers shielding their children from certain doom, but a human's instinct to survive prevails in all matters that are not instantaneous. Whether successful or not is irrelevant; that doubt, that beginning of action, still blossoms.' He closed his eyes and took a breath before opening them again. 'But we are getting off topic. My point is this: what does your son do, when confronted with a frightening scene?'

'He tries to escape or avoid it,' Tomoko said after a moment of thought.

'I see…and should he become cornered and unable to escape?'

Her eyes darkened as she realised the point. 'He will not fight against someone who is not a real threat to him.'

'Are you sure, Kimura-san?' The doctor looked closely at her. 'These records speak otherwise, and even if they didn't, how can you not be sure he would be able to perceive a hallucination or delusion as such when placed in such a situation. Should he mistake you, or anyone else, for something that would do harm to him or something he cares about and he finds he is unable to evade or avoid, what else could he do except fight back?'

The woman kept her silence.

'And should he have something at his disposal, an escape route that one wouldn't normally consider –'

'Stop!' Tomoko ordered. 'You're presuming much about my son.'

'Not just your son,' came the soft reply. 'You are a single parent and one with no stable and well paying job at that. Perhaps that restricts you in what you can do for your son. Perhaps the fact that you have no other family in your reach blinds you to your needs.'

She paled a little. 'Please get to the point,' she said, a little coldly.

'What I'm saying Kimura-san.' The doctor looked likewise annoyed. 'Is that both your son and the people around him would be better off if you admitted him –'

'Forgive me Sensei,' the woman responded. 'But I do not like the idea of my son being locked away for the rest of his life, and I will not even consider it until all other alternatives have been explored.'

'Experimental treatment is not an option,' the doctor said, leaning back and folding his arms. 'There are some countries ahead of us in terms of treating psychiatric disorders –'

'I already know this,' Tomoko interrupted. 'Germany is one of them.'

'Indeed.' A spark of interest flared. 'Germany's facilities are more…people-friendly as I understand.'

'It is not an easy thing to leave your home behind and move halfway across the world.'

'There is nothing else Japan can offer.'

The doctor was unfortunately correct, and Tomoko had to admit that. She had hoped the problem would itself go away with time but it evidently would not, instead climbing and growing unseen before bursting out like warning bursts of lava.

'You know the development of such disorders,' the doctor said. 'The next time, one of you could be here for something far worse than dehydration. And should the hospital choose to report this –'

'The hospital has no case,' Tomoko interrupted.

'I'm sorry to say this Kimura-san, but in your economical and social condition, neither do you.'

* * *

**027. After Tomorrow**

Tomoko looked silently at her still unmoving son. There were no signs of discomfort upon his face, presumably from the sedative that kept him unconscious. In one arm was a fluid bag; in the other an IV, currently off. For the time being, they were alone although a nurse would soon come to take the untouched tray that sat on the bedside table.

She'd attempted to send the three students away, and it had taken a bit of time before they had. Surprisingly, all three had something to apologise for, and then they left the room to hover about the door until she went to them.

'Why don't you all go home?' she asked quietly, the strain evident in her voice. 'There's nothing you can do here, and you're wasting your weekend.'

They still hovered uncertainly, before Chiaki nervously stepped forward. 'I'm sorry, Kimura-san. This is my fault.' She proceeded to explain, finding the words suddenly tumbling from her without conscious direction until the other held a hand to stop her.

'It's not your fault,' Tomoko insisted, albeit tiredly. 'Truth be told, it was coming for awhile. I guess we were just lucky nothing happened for so long…' She shook her head tiredly. 'If I may ask, why are you three suddenly so worried about him?'

They sprouted guilty expressions. 'I suppose I just woke up to the world,' Chiaki admitted finally. 'And realised the people who I really wanted to get to know better, and the person I wanted to be.'

'I realised something new about myself as well,' Izumi added. 'That sometimes I had to take the first step to go further.'

All three females looked at Teruo. 'He's my rival,' he muttered, going a little pink and refusing to elaborate.

'Just admit it.' Izumi rolled her eyes. 'You want him to be your friend too.'

'Why? You just did.'

Tomoko held up her hand again. 'Kouichi…he might change his mind, but right now he doesn't want that.'

The students blinked up at him.

'Becoming your friends would mean opening himself to you all and you all coming closer to him,' she explained. 'He believes that while people are distanced from him, they are safe from him, whether those are the delusions that follow him or himself reacting to them. He cannot help my presence because I am his mother, but he makes an effort to avoid getting close to other people.'

'By being nice to everybody so that nothing can be distinguished.' Teruo shook his head. 'I wish I had understood him sooner.'

'But won't that change when he does make friends?' Chiaki asked, almost pleadingly.

'I don't know, Shimizu-chan,' Tomoko replied, tone flat. 'However the recent events, however unavoidable, are going to make that difficult. In cases like these, they start building up to something greater and his hallucinations and delusions can either continue to get worse indefinitely or reach a peak and explode.' She shook her head. 'I had hoped…but…' She shook her head again, before turning to go inside. 'Please, go home.'

'Won't you let us have a chance?' Chiaki begged.

Tomoko turned at the door. 'Why is it important to you? Your friends have said nothing.'

No-one denied it, nor did the girls say Teruo was not their friend, or vice versa.

Tomoko smiled sadly, but shook her head. 'The doctor is unfortunately right, Shimizu-chan. Whatever happens from here, it will be difficult, if not impossible, for the two of you to meet once the hospital dismisses him.'

'But –'

'Even for me,' she said sadly, turning away again and shaking her head. 'I need to speak to 'tou-san…and Kousei…'

'Kouji's father?' Izumi's question startled everyone.

'My ex-husband,' Tomoko said, a little distractedly. The implication of the other's words didn't hit her until she had re-entered the room and shut the door behind her.

* * *

**028. Your Heart**

'Why do I feel like I want to cry?' Chiaki asked. 'I barely know him; it was just that I _wanted_ to…'

'He had something special in him,' Teruo said, after glancing at Izumi and seeing her at a loss for words. 'It just took somebody like you to see that.'

He waved a hand and departed, leaving to flabbergasted girls behind.

'Wait!' Izumi called.

The brunet turned at the end of the corridor. 'There's no point,' he said finally. 'Whatever happens is out of our hands. If Kouichi-kun comes back to school, he will be my rival again and maybe something more. If not, then he will be a precious memory until we meet again – if we ever do.'

He vanished thereafter, rounding the corner.

'I guess he's right.' Chiaki sat on one of the special seats. 'People do come and go from our lives, but…' Her voice drifted off.

'I wonder…' Izumi said quietly. 'If it was a crush or if you really loved him with all your heart.'

'I'm sixteen,' the other girl said.

The blonde shrugged. 'Cupid didn't exactly put an age-limit on his arrows.'

'That's corny.'

Izumi shrugged again.

'I guess…' she looked at her hands. 'I kept telling myself, you know, that there would be other opportunities. And now there are none.'

'You don't know that.'

'True, but I think Teruo's right, in his way. And in a way, he did the same thing. Appearing out of no-where yesterday and then vanishing today with…' She frowned slightly. 'I get the feeling he insulted me.'

'You know what.' Izumi looked in the direction the other had gone. 'I think he was jealous of Kimura-kun for more than his grades.'

'Maybe it's better…'

The blonde stared. 'Better?' she repeated. 'I can't even imagine what it must be like –'

'I didn't meant that.' Chiaki waved a hand, somewhat limply. 'Japan's not a kind place, remember. It's not a place for the victimised, or the sick. I realised that, but at least I had the hope that it would blow over eventually.' She reached out to touch the far-faded lump. 'I don't think Kouichi has that. He's tried to hard to stay out of society without being visibly outcasted from it; I think what his mother said about relationships runs deeper than what she's told us.'

'It was something that almost happened,' Izumi said after a pause, wonder in her voice. 'But it's really changed you.' Before Chiaki could say anything in response, she added: 'Why no suffix?'

Chiaki blushed. 'I don't know,' she mumbled. 'It just slipped out like that without thinking. But if I'm going to treasure a memory, I shouldn't keep it at arm's length…right?'

'Fair point.'

* * *

**029. Into the Fire**

It took another few days before he realised what he had done to himself, and the response was a mix of unmasked terror and undeniable relief. Still, he found gaps in his memories, some clouded by a dark fog and indiscernible from the darkness in his mind. Other memories though became clear, like the fire that had burnt away the smell and sight of death and had attempted to steal the water of his soul.

The nurse that came in an out – once changing the saline solution attached to his arm, another time closing the tap of the IV and once more bringing food that tasted like cardboard – seemed slightly apprehensive of him. He could easily guess why in the midst of waiting for delusions to take effect again, but it was a sad and lonely thought to accompany him in the time of his precious freedom. Especially as he had nothing to occupy his mind…although he knew that would soon change.

One day Japan would be filled to the brim with those monsters, and there was no fire large enough to spare her. He heard his mother's voice asking, long ago, whether he wanted to leave Japan.

Long ago, he had seen the poor fire attempting to save an island covered with an undying death. Now, he knew it would never succeed. It would never reach the site of the ocean, its ultimate antithesis.

* * *

**030. Prologue**

Tomoko was surprised her son had agreed to the move so easily, but at the same time it pulled at strings in her heart and saddened her. Somehow, it seemed like a defeat, like something had been lost along the years. But there was nothing she could do about that, except attempt to restore hope and belonging to a world that did not possess it.

The talk with her father had been awkward; they had argued bitterly the last time they had spoken and both of them were stubborn. It also didn't help that she had chosen to live with her mother over him when they had gone through her own divorce, but in a way the journey her son had taken far from her had assisted her in becoming wiser as well as older, and admitting to her faults was something she no longer had any choice but to do.

But her father too recognised his faults, alone in Germany, and he too worried about the grandson he had talked to over the phone but never met. Truthfully, Tomoko reflected, the pair would get along quite nicely because they were near-perfect antitheses of each other. Sadly, she could not join them for some time; her father had plenty of assets and had no qualms about paying for her seat, but she still had some ends she had to wrap up before she was ready to leave Japan.

The first of those was a conversation that had long since been delayed. Even if Kouichi knew nothing – and Kouji the same – the adults know, and kept their secret. But Kousei was still Kouichi's father; legalities did not deny blood, and he deserved to know…even if she was too cowardly to admit to it before, if only because she was afraid she would lose her remaining son to him and something better than she could provide.

But she knew now he couldn't, because it wasn't just money or status or value, but the nation as a whole and its land. Like all things in the world, there were some who grew upon its soil and others who stagnated and wilted, their sun shining upon another land and another horizon.


End file.
